I read that line in an article today about women who put off having children in order to pursue their education/career/dream of living in a foreign country first. Only when they reach the height of their preconceived "life before kids" ideal do they settle down and start a family. And once they have kids, they easily transition into a life of full-time working mom. Or so it may seem.
My brain was muddled for much of my early to mid 20's. I was working full-time, going to college full-time, bargaining with myself to enter into an unsatisfying marriage. I got pregnant in a blink and was cradling my newborn son when the world came crashing down in the form of the deaths of my brother and my father. On the eve of my father's funeral, I found out I was pregnant with my now 11-year-old daughter.
Somewhere in there I graduated from college, got my first job, got my much better second job and then got my bestest third job. Then I got divorced. I dated some losers before finding the love of my life...and then we had a kid.
As I enter my mid to late 30's, I find that my life is easier for me in a lot of ways than it was in my early to mid 20's. I no longer have to worry so much about how I'm going to pay for diapers and milk (although I still make a point of looking for a deal whenever possible) and I have no worries about whether I married the wrong person. My kids are happy and healthy and we really want for nothing.
So why do I feel so goddamned stressed out?
What I think it boils down to is that you can't have it all. Or you can have it all for a little while until "all" boils over and you go nutty. I used to believe that I could have kids and a career and still greet my husband every night with a kiss, a clean house and dinner on the table. But now I'm finding that most nights I manage to pick up the kids after working all day, scream at them on the 20-minute drive home, get dinner on the table in my somewhat straightened-up/not-scary-dirty house and scowl at my husband. Rinse and repeat, day after day.
I've read that paragraph several times over and have tried to come up with a solution, but I can't find one. I can't quit my job because we need the money and I obviously can't quit the family...because they would hunt me down and drag me back. haha. So there's a problem with no solution and it feels pretty crappy. What do I do?
I don't have the foggiest.
Wednesday, March 28, 2012
Thursday, February 9, 2012
Well, That Sucks
My ex got back to me last night via email; he said that he lined up a mediator if I was interested in pursing the matter of reducing my child support. Funny...I though that he would actually just realize that what he was doing was wrong and want to cut me some slack. Boy, what a dummy I am.
I sat down for the first time this morning and plugged in the actual numbers and discovered that the amount that I should be paying him per month is...exactly around what I'm already paying him. Damn.
I sent him a response letting him know that I had worked the numbers and technically am paying him what the State would tell us I should be paying him. The problem is that I can't get past the philosophical thought that I shouldn't have to pay him one red cent. I mean, he's a man, for chrissakes. Right?
In the past 2-and-a-half years I've paid this man close to $25,000 to have my children half the time because he and his wife cannot get their wits about them to support themselves. I could never imagine, in a million years, urging Scott to take his ex-wife to court so that she could support us. I'd rather take a second job at McDonald's than allow another woman to support my family. And I KNOW that Scott would never, ever consider extorting money out of his ex-wife to support a lifestyle that he and I couldn't sustain on our own.
I asked my ex to consider lowering the amount anyway. A tiny part of me wonders if he'll try to come after me for MORE money now that I asked him to lower it. I wouldn't put it past him. At this point, I wouldn't put anything past him.
I sat down for the first time this morning and plugged in the actual numbers and discovered that the amount that I should be paying him per month is...exactly around what I'm already paying him. Damn.
I sent him a response letting him know that I had worked the numbers and technically am paying him what the State would tell us I should be paying him. The problem is that I can't get past the philosophical thought that I shouldn't have to pay him one red cent. I mean, he's a man, for chrissakes. Right?
In the past 2-and-a-half years I've paid this man close to $25,000 to have my children half the time because he and his wife cannot get their wits about them to support themselves. I could never imagine, in a million years, urging Scott to take his ex-wife to court so that she could support us. I'd rather take a second job at McDonald's than allow another woman to support my family. And I KNOW that Scott would never, ever consider extorting money out of his ex-wife to support a lifestyle that he and I couldn't sustain on our own.
I asked my ex to consider lowering the amount anyway. A tiny part of me wonders if he'll try to come after me for MORE money now that I asked him to lower it. I wouldn't put it past him. At this point, I wouldn't put anything past him.
Wednesday, February 8, 2012
In A Rut
For the second year in a row, Scott and I threw a Superbowl party. We invited a few dozen people, shopped for food and prizes (football pool and pool tournament), arranged a babysitter and settled back to have fun. I looked forward to it for a few weeks as an opportunity to relax...until I realized exactly what I had to do to prepare my house for company.
Needless to say, I ended up spending all of Friday, most of Saturday and Sunday morning cleaning and cooking and getting everything ready. It's not that our house is a pigsty by any means, but once I started cleaning I couldn't stop until it was spotless.
So this weekend that I had been so looking forward to was fun...just not so much for me.
********************
Along that vein, I received and deposited my vacation check and have been looking online at different resorts and vacation destinations. I was excited in anticipation of receiving the check to finally take an adult vacation - the first in several years - that is longer than a day. But then I started getting nervous about finding suitable care for Ruby for such an extended period of time. I have no problem asking my Mom to watch her for a night or two, but six? And with me possibly out of the country? I don't think so.
I'm finding I'm not as excited to plan the trip as I once was...
*********************
I'm waiting on pins and needles for a response from my ex in regards to a reduction in the child support I'm paying him. Last week I was noodling around on the Internet and found out that he had received a 15% increase in wages last year and failed to notify me. I also realized that because he abandoned his house, he can no longer claim property taxes and mortgage interest. So, basically I've been paying him too much for the past year and he seemed to have no qualms in stealing from me. But since I consider what he's done stealing from me from the beginning, it doesn't surprise me at all.
I emailed him last Thursday and still have not received a definitive response. I'm starting to worry that he's planning on taking me back to court. I think I hold the cards this time, but do I really? I don't know.
I'm nervous.
Needless to say, I ended up spending all of Friday, most of Saturday and Sunday morning cleaning and cooking and getting everything ready. It's not that our house is a pigsty by any means, but once I started cleaning I couldn't stop until it was spotless.
So this weekend that I had been so looking forward to was fun...just not so much for me.
********************
Along that vein, I received and deposited my vacation check and have been looking online at different resorts and vacation destinations. I was excited in anticipation of receiving the check to finally take an adult vacation - the first in several years - that is longer than a day. But then I started getting nervous about finding suitable care for Ruby for such an extended period of time. I have no problem asking my Mom to watch her for a night or two, but six? And with me possibly out of the country? I don't think so.
I'm finding I'm not as excited to plan the trip as I once was...
*********************
I'm waiting on pins and needles for a response from my ex in regards to a reduction in the child support I'm paying him. Last week I was noodling around on the Internet and found out that he had received a 15% increase in wages last year and failed to notify me. I also realized that because he abandoned his house, he can no longer claim property taxes and mortgage interest. So, basically I've been paying him too much for the past year and he seemed to have no qualms in stealing from me. But since I consider what he's done stealing from me from the beginning, it doesn't surprise me at all.
I emailed him last Thursday and still have not received a definitive response. I'm starting to worry that he's planning on taking me back to court. I think I hold the cards this time, but do I really? I don't know.
I'm nervous.
Monday, January 30, 2012
Apologies and Other Tricky Things
Have you ever apologized for something that you really didn't feel sorry for? And you think the sarcasm dripping from your apology would be a clue to the other person that the apology is not only insincere, but also kind of an insult?
I had one of those moments last night.
Without getting into the who, what, when, where and whys, let's just say that I felt very strongly about my position. I was hurt and angry in a way that I don't usually get because I felt that instead of me being the target, my children were the people who were wronged. I felt stupid and left out and, well, separated. Like my family wasn't a family.
I think this is a field full of landmines that every blended family must deal with either on a regular or semi-regular basis. We have some children every other week, one child every other weekend and one child full-time. All four of our children have very different personalities and with the co-parenting and step-parenting and complicated relationships, a lot of the time we have together doesn't feel like we're really together. And maybe we're not. And maybe I just need to accept that.
I read recently that the reason that Heather Locklear and Jack Wagner broke up was because of their respective kids. On the flip side, I have friends who grew up with step-siblings and half-siblings and you would never guess that they weren't full siblings because they don't recognize their relationships as a partial bond. I wish that my kids felt the latter about each other, but I don't think it's working out that way. Amy and Michael think of Ruby as their sister, and Zach thinks of Ruby as his sister, and Ruby thinks of all of them as her brothers and sister, but do Zach and Amy and Michael think of each other as siblings? I'm starting to think they don't.
I overheard Zach the other day tell Scott that he has three people in his family - him, his mom and his dad. I heard Scott correct him and tell him that he had a much bigger family than that. I don't think Scott knew I overheard the exchange, and Zach's statement really got me thinking. From the time Zachary turned 4 years old, we've been in his life. In all practicality, he shouldn't remember his life without us. So why aren't we family in his eyes?
The events of this weekend really illustrated to me how separated our family is. I understand the rationale in my brain but I wish it could be explained to my heart. And the stupid, crappy, irritating apology I issued just to make the issue drop did nothing to help the hurt, and the ease with which it was accepted made me feel like a loser.
And now I sit here, typing this, and I'm wondering if I should just let go of the image I thought was going to be my family and just accept it for what it is.
******************************
Last year was rough financially. Scott and I had bought our house the year before and my savings safety net had been depleted in the purchase. I was trying desperately to short sell my tiny, old house I bought several years ago, but the bank dragged its feet, the buyers walked away after waiting for an answer from the bank for five months and the house ended up foreclosing. It was frustrating and scary, but Scott and I managed to come out of it OK.
The latter part of last year was somewhat better - I managed to scrimp and save and take lots of lunches to work and our savings account grew little by little. Now, with my vacation check for this year in the mail, it looked like we would finally have a small cushion and less to worry about if something unexpected were to come up.
That all kind of went to shit this weekend when I got my tax documentation in the mail for the foreclosed house. I opened up the two documents and scanned them quickly, then set them aside to deal with them when I could. Scott walked over and picked up the documents, took a look, then declared, "Well, it looks like you're screwed!"
The last thing on this planet an inherent worrier wants to hear are the words, "You're screwed." So, of course, my anxiety level skyrocketed and hasn't leveled out since then. The visions I had for the first few weeks of the year of helping out my mom with her financial crisis and taking a long-awaited vacation to some tropical paradise are now gone. I'm scared now about how I'm going to pay our taxes and how I'm going to help get my Mom out of her financial cul-de-sac. I hate feeling like this.
********************
Michael and Amy had two dogs at their dad's house - both Boxers, both kinda ugly. But they love those dogs and talk about them frequently, so when I got an email a couple of weeks ago from their dad explaining that they had to put one of them to sleep because of a grave illness, I sincerely felt bad for all of them. Even their dad and That Woman.
Amy took the loss in stride, but Michael has had quite a bit of difficulty with the death of his dog. He called me several times last week from his dad's house and I could hear the sorrow in his voice. Twice while at our house, Michael has broken down over the dog and I'm sort of at a loss as to what to do. I've tried to talk to him but he says that he just wants to be left alone. My gut feeling is that he needs to mourn the dog on his own terms and, with time, it'll get better. In the meantime, I'm praying that nothing happens to our dog, who happens to be elderly. If something happened to her now, he'd be crushed.
I had one of those moments last night.
Without getting into the who, what, when, where and whys, let's just say that I felt very strongly about my position. I was hurt and angry in a way that I don't usually get because I felt that instead of me being the target, my children were the people who were wronged. I felt stupid and left out and, well, separated. Like my family wasn't a family.
I think this is a field full of landmines that every blended family must deal with either on a regular or semi-regular basis. We have some children every other week, one child every other weekend and one child full-time. All four of our children have very different personalities and with the co-parenting and step-parenting and complicated relationships, a lot of the time we have together doesn't feel like we're really together. And maybe we're not. And maybe I just need to accept that.
I read recently that the reason that Heather Locklear and Jack Wagner broke up was because of their respective kids. On the flip side, I have friends who grew up with step-siblings and half-siblings and you would never guess that they weren't full siblings because they don't recognize their relationships as a partial bond. I wish that my kids felt the latter about each other, but I don't think it's working out that way. Amy and Michael think of Ruby as their sister, and Zach thinks of Ruby as his sister, and Ruby thinks of all of them as her brothers and sister, but do Zach and Amy and Michael think of each other as siblings? I'm starting to think they don't.
I overheard Zach the other day tell Scott that he has three people in his family - him, his mom and his dad. I heard Scott correct him and tell him that he had a much bigger family than that. I don't think Scott knew I overheard the exchange, and Zach's statement really got me thinking. From the time Zachary turned 4 years old, we've been in his life. In all practicality, he shouldn't remember his life without us. So why aren't we family in his eyes?
The events of this weekend really illustrated to me how separated our family is. I understand the rationale in my brain but I wish it could be explained to my heart. And the stupid, crappy, irritating apology I issued just to make the issue drop did nothing to help the hurt, and the ease with which it was accepted made me feel like a loser.
And now I sit here, typing this, and I'm wondering if I should just let go of the image I thought was going to be my family and just accept it for what it is.
******************************
Last year was rough financially. Scott and I had bought our house the year before and my savings safety net had been depleted in the purchase. I was trying desperately to short sell my tiny, old house I bought several years ago, but the bank dragged its feet, the buyers walked away after waiting for an answer from the bank for five months and the house ended up foreclosing. It was frustrating and scary, but Scott and I managed to come out of it OK.
The latter part of last year was somewhat better - I managed to scrimp and save and take lots of lunches to work and our savings account grew little by little. Now, with my vacation check for this year in the mail, it looked like we would finally have a small cushion and less to worry about if something unexpected were to come up.
That all kind of went to shit this weekend when I got my tax documentation in the mail for the foreclosed house. I opened up the two documents and scanned them quickly, then set them aside to deal with them when I could. Scott walked over and picked up the documents, took a look, then declared, "Well, it looks like you're screwed!"
The last thing on this planet an inherent worrier wants to hear are the words, "You're screwed." So, of course, my anxiety level skyrocketed and hasn't leveled out since then. The visions I had for the first few weeks of the year of helping out my mom with her financial crisis and taking a long-awaited vacation to some tropical paradise are now gone. I'm scared now about how I'm going to pay our taxes and how I'm going to help get my Mom out of her financial cul-de-sac. I hate feeling like this.
********************
Michael and Amy had two dogs at their dad's house - both Boxers, both kinda ugly. But they love those dogs and talk about them frequently, so when I got an email a couple of weeks ago from their dad explaining that they had to put one of them to sleep because of a grave illness, I sincerely felt bad for all of them. Even their dad and That Woman.
Amy took the loss in stride, but Michael has had quite a bit of difficulty with the death of his dog. He called me several times last week from his dad's house and I could hear the sorrow in his voice. Twice while at our house, Michael has broken down over the dog and I'm sort of at a loss as to what to do. I've tried to talk to him but he says that he just wants to be left alone. My gut feeling is that he needs to mourn the dog on his own terms and, with time, it'll get better. In the meantime, I'm praying that nothing happens to our dog, who happens to be elderly. If something happened to her now, he'd be crushed.
Wednesday, January 4, 2012
New Year
The month of December is a tough one in our house. Not only because of the frenzy of holiday gift buying, decorating, cooking, etc., but because in our line of work we're expected to go to holiday parties. A lot of holiday parties. So by the 2nd week of December, Scott and I are pretty much burnt out on Christmas and are more than ready for the whole damn thing to be over. I mean, really, how much candy/food/alcohol can one consume in a 6-week period? Exactly enough to metastisize into 8 extra pounds on my booty. *Blurp*
So here I am, 8 pounds later, and all that fudgey goodness doesn't seem like such a good idea in hindsight. So I'm back on the "watching it" diet and we'll see how long it takes to get my pants to button at the waist again.
The kids had a stellar Christmas and it was fun to watch them delight in all of the things they wanted and we managed to afford. It wasn't just the superficial items that made this holiday bright - I've been noticing very much in the past few weeks how much the kids are growing up and changing.
Michael - At 12-and-a-half years old, he's a bonehead. I love him dearly, but he is. I cannot seem to get that boy to follow instructions or figure things out for himself. I'm thinking it's the combination pre-teen hormones and the XY factor (it's my theory that the Y chromosome contains the inability-to-focus gene), but who knows. Basically, Mike is a good kid, but if he doesn't start pulling his head out of his butt soon, I'm going to lose it on him. Amazingly, his grades are pretty OK, so I don't get too ballistic on him.
Amy - Amy will be 11 years old in a few weeks, but she seems more like 16. It's interesting to see the difference between how she talks about her friends, which always sounds like she's narrating a soap opera, and how Michael talks about his friends, which is that he never voluntarily talks about his friends. Amy likes clothes, shopping, makeup - all of the normal things a pre-teen girl likes. Boys? She hasn't really mentioned them yet. Thank God. She did ask me a week ago if she could start shaving her legs, which caught me by surprise. I told her we would discuss it later in the week, but I think she forgot about it because she hasn't brought it up again. I'm not going to mention it, so hopefully it'll just fade away for another few months. She's growing up, and I'm not really ready.
Zachary - Zach will be 8 years old in a couple of months and I swear he has grown more mature in the past six months than I think he did in the past four years. I've never seen a child more perfectly content to entertain himself for hours on end with his cars and his legos. He and Michael and Amy seem more like brothers and sister than ever, which means that they fight and argue a lot of the time. I secretly sort of like it.
Ruby - Ruby will be 2 years old in a few weeks and she has the five of us wrapped around her tiny baby finger. She is extremely energetic and exceptionally smart and we have to watch her all the time just in case she decides to grab the car keys and take the minivan for a spin. I'm kidding, of course. But seriously, we watch her closely. She already has cultivated so many facial expressions that I sometimes wonder if she is a tiny master manipulator. If she climbs up onto the kitchen table and we tell her to get down, she will morph her face into a funny smile and squinch her eyes up so that we can't help but laugh. It's cute. And funny. And scary. All rolled up into one.
Did I miss anybody? 1...2...3...4, nope, I got them all. Happy New Year!
So here I am, 8 pounds later, and all that fudgey goodness doesn't seem like such a good idea in hindsight. So I'm back on the "watching it" diet and we'll see how long it takes to get my pants to button at the waist again.
The kids had a stellar Christmas and it was fun to watch them delight in all of the things they wanted and we managed to afford. It wasn't just the superficial items that made this holiday bright - I've been noticing very much in the past few weeks how much the kids are growing up and changing.
Michael - At 12-and-a-half years old, he's a bonehead. I love him dearly, but he is. I cannot seem to get that boy to follow instructions or figure things out for himself. I'm thinking it's the combination pre-teen hormones and the XY factor (it's my theory that the Y chromosome contains the inability-to-focus gene), but who knows. Basically, Mike is a good kid, but if he doesn't start pulling his head out of his butt soon, I'm going to lose it on him. Amazingly, his grades are pretty OK, so I don't get too ballistic on him.
Amy - Amy will be 11 years old in a few weeks, but she seems more like 16. It's interesting to see the difference between how she talks about her friends, which always sounds like she's narrating a soap opera, and how Michael talks about his friends, which is that he never voluntarily talks about his friends. Amy likes clothes, shopping, makeup - all of the normal things a pre-teen girl likes. Boys? She hasn't really mentioned them yet. Thank God. She did ask me a week ago if she could start shaving her legs, which caught me by surprise. I told her we would discuss it later in the week, but I think she forgot about it because she hasn't brought it up again. I'm not going to mention it, so hopefully it'll just fade away for another few months. She's growing up, and I'm not really ready.
Zachary - Zach will be 8 years old in a couple of months and I swear he has grown more mature in the past six months than I think he did in the past four years. I've never seen a child more perfectly content to entertain himself for hours on end with his cars and his legos. He and Michael and Amy seem more like brothers and sister than ever, which means that they fight and argue a lot of the time. I secretly sort of like it.
Ruby - Ruby will be 2 years old in a few weeks and she has the five of us wrapped around her tiny baby finger. She is extremely energetic and exceptionally smart and we have to watch her all the time just in case she decides to grab the car keys and take the minivan for a spin. I'm kidding, of course. But seriously, we watch her closely. She already has cultivated so many facial expressions that I sometimes wonder if she is a tiny master manipulator. If she climbs up onto the kitchen table and we tell her to get down, she will morph her face into a funny smile and squinch her eyes up so that we can't help but laugh. It's cute. And funny. And scary. All rolled up into one.
Did I miss anybody? 1...2...3...4, nope, I got them all. Happy New Year!
Tuesday, December 27, 2011
Liar, Liar
Well, my incessant worrying turned out to be for naught - nothing happened, everything went smoothly, yadda yadda yadda. You would think that I would have a grip on my nerves when it comes to my interractions with people, but I really don't. I hope that someday I'll learn to not immediately respond to many situations with panic.
The one really bad/tricky/yucky/sad/disappointing moment that occured during my Christmas week with the kids was that Michael has completely been sucked into the vortex of lying. I don't know why he does it, but it almost seems like he can't help himself. Two times last week he lied directly to Scott's face, once about something silly and once about something that was kind of a big deal. Both times he told the truth when I confronted him. But...why?
Why? Why? Why is he lying?
The second incident was really bad because not only did Michael lie, he lied about stealing some money from my stepson. A double whammy. When I called him and he confessed, I really lost my composure and ended up crying. I couldn't deal with the situation directly because I was on my way out of town for a meeting, but when I got home and sat down with Michael to discuss the stealing and lying, I couldn't hold it together. I had a long heart to heart with him and I really felt like I got through to him about the seriousness of the problem, but I think it would be a good idea to keep sitting him down and talking to him about it.
The worst part of it is that Michael lied to Scott. There's something so terrible about your child doing something bad in front of someone else, even if it is my husband. No matter how long two people are together, if it's your child doing something awful in front of the stepparent, it's worse than them doing it front of you or their other blood parent. Don't ask me why...it's just the way it is.
The one really bad/tricky/yucky/sad/disappointing moment that occured during my Christmas week with the kids was that Michael has completely been sucked into the vortex of lying. I don't know why he does it, but it almost seems like he can't help himself. Two times last week he lied directly to Scott's face, once about something silly and once about something that was kind of a big deal. Both times he told the truth when I confronted him. But...why?
Why? Why? Why is he lying?
The second incident was really bad because not only did Michael lie, he lied about stealing some money from my stepson. A double whammy. When I called him and he confessed, I really lost my composure and ended up crying. I couldn't deal with the situation directly because I was on my way out of town for a meeting, but when I got home and sat down with Michael to discuss the stealing and lying, I couldn't hold it together. I had a long heart to heart with him and I really felt like I got through to him about the seriousness of the problem, but I think it would be a good idea to keep sitting him down and talking to him about it.
The worst part of it is that Michael lied to Scott. There's something so terrible about your child doing something bad in front of someone else, even if it is my husband. No matter how long two people are together, if it's your child doing something awful in front of the stepparent, it's worse than them doing it front of you or their other blood parent. Don't ask me why...it's just the way it is.
Friday, December 16, 2011
Tiptoe Through The Holidays
I began to type up a new post a couple of times in the past few weeks but couldn't seem to get motivated to finish. Nothing is necessarily wrong...I just feel very Jewish-mother-ish right now...like something might go wrong any minute.
Actually, if I just look at pure appearances, everything is fan-friggen-tastic right now. Scott and I have almost finished all of our Christmas shopping and I was able to do all of my shopping this year without putting anything on credit cards. This is a huge accomplishment for me - I can't remember a Christmas in my adult life where I didn't have to charge anything. It's definitely a tradition I would like to keep. Scott charged a couple of items but only to keep them a secret from me - we'll be able to pay off the card in January. Yay for us!
It's the co-parenting front where I feel some clouds and possible precipitation moving in. Last week, That Woman sent an email to everyone on Amy's soccer team letting them know that "because of personal problems", she won't be able to coach indoor soccer anymore. I was very surprised at this and have been curious ever since as to the reasoning behind the email. "Personal problems" seems to be a loaded phrase, and I'm afraid that these "personal problems" will end up becoming a problem for me, vis-a-vis shit spraying off the fan.
I got an email this morning from my ex...immediately I thought, "Here we go!" He asked me if the kids were staying with me during their first week off from school for Christmas vacation. I informed him that we had arranged for Scott's aunt to stay with them Monday-Wednesday and that I would be home the rest of the time. I beat him to the "favor" punch by asking if the kids could stay next Friday night with me so that they could wake up on Christmas Eve at my house. I haven't received a response back from him, but I'm preparing myself for the possible request that I take the kids to his house the three days that I arranged for Scott's aunt to be at our house.
Frankly, I'm sick of this dancing on eggshells I have to do around their dad. I'm tired of seeing an email from him and feeling the instant sinking of my stomach. It seems that whenever things aren't going well for him at his house or in his marriage, I become his proverbial punching bag for him to take out his aggression. Since it doesn't seem likely that he will magically turn into a happy person, I guess that I will have to continue to circle the wagons every time he decides to attempt to mire me down in his depressive BS.
*sigh*
OK, I feel better now :) I'm keeping a positive attitude and my fingers crossed that the next few weeks will go by with nary an issue. I'm super excited for the kids to see what we got them for Christmas - Scott and I really outdid ourselves with getting each of them the perfect gifts. I'm also beside myself with excitement for Amy's birthday in a few weeks - Scott and I were able to save up some extra money and buy her the most awesomest, most perfectest and the coolest EVER used dirtbike. Major points score for us ;)
Actually, if I just look at pure appearances, everything is fan-friggen-tastic right now. Scott and I have almost finished all of our Christmas shopping and I was able to do all of my shopping this year without putting anything on credit cards. This is a huge accomplishment for me - I can't remember a Christmas in my adult life where I didn't have to charge anything. It's definitely a tradition I would like to keep. Scott charged a couple of items but only to keep them a secret from me - we'll be able to pay off the card in January. Yay for us!
It's the co-parenting front where I feel some clouds and possible precipitation moving in. Last week, That Woman sent an email to everyone on Amy's soccer team letting them know that "because of personal problems", she won't be able to coach indoor soccer anymore. I was very surprised at this and have been curious ever since as to the reasoning behind the email. "Personal problems" seems to be a loaded phrase, and I'm afraid that these "personal problems" will end up becoming a problem for me, vis-a-vis shit spraying off the fan.
I got an email this morning from my ex...immediately I thought, "Here we go!" He asked me if the kids were staying with me during their first week off from school for Christmas vacation. I informed him that we had arranged for Scott's aunt to stay with them Monday-Wednesday and that I would be home the rest of the time. I beat him to the "favor" punch by asking if the kids could stay next Friday night with me so that they could wake up on Christmas Eve at my house. I haven't received a response back from him, but I'm preparing myself for the possible request that I take the kids to his house the three days that I arranged for Scott's aunt to be at our house.
Frankly, I'm sick of this dancing on eggshells I have to do around their dad. I'm tired of seeing an email from him and feeling the instant sinking of my stomach. It seems that whenever things aren't going well for him at his house or in his marriage, I become his proverbial punching bag for him to take out his aggression. Since it doesn't seem likely that he will magically turn into a happy person, I guess that I will have to continue to circle the wagons every time he decides to attempt to mire me down in his depressive BS.
*sigh*
OK, I feel better now :) I'm keeping a positive attitude and my fingers crossed that the next few weeks will go by with nary an issue. I'm super excited for the kids to see what we got them for Christmas - Scott and I really outdid ourselves with getting each of them the perfect gifts. I'm also beside myself with excitement for Amy's birthday in a few weeks - Scott and I were able to save up some extra money and buy her the most awesomest, most perfectest and the coolest EVER used dirtbike. Major points score for us ;)
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